Monday, April 6, 2009

Submissive Journal

“A slave’s life is mostly composed of patience and study. Yes, study. If not with actual books, then following the example of greater, senior slaves. Or learning every nuance of their owner’s character, so that they can more completely and seamlessly offer themselves at the right time and in the right manner.” - Laura Antoniou

i do try to read all i can and learn as much as i can from others with more experience. Everyone i have met in this lifestyle so far i have met online, and they are generally very generous in sharing what they have learned.

i do my best to focus and listen attentively whenever Sir is talking to me in order to understand and remember everything He tells me. i love learning everything about Him that He shares with me. i also re-read emails and chats to absorb His words as thoroughly as possible.

Is focus something you strive for? Do you meditate or do other practices which allow you to focus?

my meditation is mostly in the form of reading the Scriptures and meditating on what i have read along with praying.

“I like looking feminine and I enjoy being a role model. I enjoy being a woman. It all comes down to having the confidence to be who you are.” - Cathy Freeman

i enjoy being and looking feminine. i stopped cutting my hair years ago, and so i have really long hair, which is rather unusual for my age group, but that is what i am most comfortable with. The main reason for that is because it sets me apart as a female and even sets me apart from other females. i also always wear dresses or skirts because i want to look and feel as womanly as possible.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” -Mahatma Gandhi

i think this is very true. We can find our highest selves by doing what we can for others. In serving the One who owns me, i am more acutely aware of everything i say and do, not only because of how it reflects on Him, but because i am defined as being His, and in that, i feel elevated and magnified. And that self-awareness then recycles into more desire to serve Him.

“That which yields is not always weak.” - Jacqueline Carey — Kushiel’s Dart

i picture this in regard to trees and how the trees that survive yield to the wind, while those that don't can end up being uprooted or broken. There also is a spiritual principle that strength is made perfect in weakness, so strength can sometimes appear to be weakness or perhaps be clothed in weakness. The strength of the Master is made perfect in the 'weakness' of the slave because the yielding of the slave results in His strength expanding and also residing within her.

How polite are you? Where did you learn your social etiquette? What rules do you have in your relationship regarding p’s and q’s?

i try to be as polite as possible and treat people the way i want to be treated. i learned most of my social etiquette from my parents. The main etiquette-type rule in my relationship is for me to be respectful--to greet Him in a respectful way, to respond to Him in a respectful way, and there are some words and forms of speech that i know He doesn't like and has designated disrespectful, so i avoid those. It also displeases Him when i get too analytical and start sounding like a lawyer, so i avoid that as well.

When are you most aware of being owned/submissive?

Whenever i am interacting with Him, and that is when i most exult in it, too.

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