TMI Tuesday #180

1. Have you ever sent or received a sext message?

No, i don't even have a cell phone.

2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?

No, unless you count getting one from a husband.

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?

i once corrected an incorrect Scripture reference in a Wikipedia article. Can't remember what the article was about, though.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?

At 13 with an 18-year-old i thought i was going to marry, but that never happened. And my first husband was still verbally bludgeoning me about that (him not being the first) 17 years later and also told our children about it during the divorce to try to prove what a 'slut' i was. He even used the fact that i had had sex with him before we got married to try to convince them how awful i was and to try to turn them against me. What an asswipe.

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?

i was 32, he was 21, so 11 years difference.

Submissive Journal

Write down three things you didn't do because you were afraid. What could have changed in your life had you done them?

1. The night before i was to be married the first time, i had cold feet and tried to back out. My fiance was panicked, and after several hours, he talked me into going through with it, but even the next day, i kept feeling like i was making a mistake, but i was afraid to let him down as well as everyone else expecting the marriage to happen. If i had stood my ground, i might have gone to college instead and become a medical researcher and perhaps married someone more suitable later on.

2. When i became pregnant the first time, i had an abortion because i was afraid. i was married and very much wanted the baby, but i had contracted rubella (German measles) during the first trimester, and i was told by several doctors that there was a 95% chance that the baby would be born blind, deaf and mentally retarded with a heart defect. i still wanted to have the baby, but everyone kept telling me that the abortion was the right thing to do for the baby. i was very young, and i was afraid to stand up to all the older and wiser doctors and family. my husband was no help. All he would say was, "It's your body." But it was our baby! i felt very abandoned by him during that time, and ultimately that factored into the demise of that marriage. If he or even just one other person had told me that they would stand by me and be a support system if the baby turned out to be handicapped, then i would have had the courage and strength not to go through with the abortion, but i was too afraid that if the baby was born so severely handicapped, my husband would leave me and everyone would be saying 'I told you so' instead of being there for the baby and me. i have always grieved for that baby, and through the years, that husband, upon finding me grieving, would remark, "Why do you keep doing that to yourself?" as if i had any control over my feelings of loss or as if my sorrow was not valid. If i had not had the abortion, i would have had another son, and maybe he would have been healthy and fine, and even if he wasn't, he still would have been precious to me.

3. There were many times i should have left my second husband, but did not because i was afraid of going through another divorce and of having my younger children go through a divorce and aftermath. What i had learned from my first divorce is that as bad as it was, it got worse during and after the divorce. He became much more vicious as an ex-husband than he ever was as a husband. So, even though my second husband was abusive, i thought he would be worse if i made him an ex-husband, as had happened before. Had i left him the first time i definitely should have, my two youngest children would never have been born, but if i had left him after my youngest was born, i would have at least been that much younger starting over and would have had fewer years spent in the misery of that marriage. i finally did leave him for good several months ago, and as it turns out, the children had been wanting me to do that pretty much all their lives, again making it clear that i should have done it long ago. All of us would have had better, happier lives.

Sunday Stealing: The Ginormous Meme

1. Are you single?

Yes.

2. Are your parents still married?

No. They divorced when i was very young.

3. Are you in love?

i could be.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. Attraction at first sight, yes, but love requires actually knowing someone.

5. Who ended your last relationship?

i did.

6. Have you ever been hurt by a break up?

Yes, probably by every single one. Being that close to someone and then having that end is always a loss even if it is the best thing to do.

7. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i have no idea. When i break up with someone, i walk away. i don't talk to them about the relationship or 'us' anymore because it is over.

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Possibly, but how would i know if it is a secret?

9. Prefer love or lust?

There was a time when i was only interested in lust because i didn't ever want to go down the love road again, but eventually i missed being in love and wanted to experience that again, so then i became more interested in love (with a heavy lust component, of course!).

10. Prefer a few best friends or many regular friends?

i don't know why i can't have both! it is quite natural when having many friends for a few of those to be best friends.

11. Wild night out or romantic night in?

Romantic night in.

12. Back in the day: Been caught sneaking out?

No, i never got caught.

13. Ever wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?

Yes, i have. Longing eventually becomes like an ache.

14. Ever wanted to disappear?

Run away, yes. Disappear, no.

15. First attraction: Smile or eyes?

Smile.

16. Prefer intelligence or attraction?

Intelligence IS an attraction!

17. Last phone call you received?

From Sir :)

18. Last thing you drank?

Water.

19. Before your current one, when was your last relationship?

my last relationship began and ended in December.

20. Do you and your family get along?

Yes. i love my family, and they love me.

21. Would you say you have a "screwed up life"?

i have had a lot of difficulties in my life, but i wouldn't say it is "screwed-up". Overcoming difficulties is just part of life. Few people live charmed lives.

22. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell.

The only place i can recall is a PalTalk chatroom, and i never even knew why. i never said a word. Maybe that was why?

23. Do you trust all your friends?

No.

24. Who knows the most about you?

That's a hard one, but it is probably my sister.

Simply Snickers

while her Master was away it was hard to say what most she would miss His hand or His kiss so hard to be sure the marvel that both were (prompt words: marvel, master, miss)

Friday 5: Turning

1. To whom do you normally turn when you need to complain about something?

Either my sister or my best friend.

2. Which annual season-turning do you enjoy the most?

Winter to Spring, even though that is very brief, and then it's blazing hot, but Spring is my favorite season.

3. Where can you get a really good turnover?

i think if i made some.

4. What’s employee turnover like where you work?

We don't have very much turnover. People tend to stay. i've worked for the same company for 17 years.

5. One of the Wonder Twins could turn into any form of water, while the other could turn into any animal. Which of these powers would be more useful to you?

Water seems too vulnerable. It seems like animals would have more chance to defend themselves, and i think being able to defend myself would be more useful. It also sounds more fun with much more varieties to try out.

Thursday Thunks

1. What is your favorite type of soda (if you drink soda)?

Diet Dr. Pepper. It used to be Diet Coke, but for some reason i gravitated to Dr. Pepper. Even if sugar is not a concern, i still like the taste of diet sodas better than the regular ones.

2. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what does your sign say about you?

No, not at all.

3. Who is John Galt?

A character in Atlas Shrugged. (Okay, i confess i googled it.)

4. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night?

Read until the book falls onto my face.

5. Who's your Daddy?

my Sir, also known on this blog as A.

6. Jelly beans or Jelly Bellies?

Without a doubt Jelly Bellies!

7. What do you think about yellow cars? Why do car manufacturer actually make yellow cars?

Yellow is not a color i would choose for a car. i'm guessing that the manufacturers make them because somebody buys them. i do see them on the road, so someone must like them enough to buy them. Also, i would never choose one of those cars that looks like a box or a toaster. As baffled as i am that someone actually came up with that design, i'm even more baffled that people buy them.

8. Holding on or Letting go?

Depends upon what it is you're contemplating holding on to or letting go of. If you're dangling from a rope over a deep chasm, i would advise holding on. If you're trying to hold on to someone who wants to leave, i'd advise letting go.

9. What kind of underwear, if any, do you wear?

Panties, unless i'm just staying home, in which case i usually don't wear any underthings.

10. Who is your daddy and what does he do?

i thought we already had the Who's Your Daddy? question! mine encourages me, holds me accountable, explains things to me that i don't understand, admires my tits and my smile, turns me on, reassures me, inspires me, motivates me, excites me and, oh yeah, he has a day job, too.

11. Spring - is it here yet??

i suppose it is, although it is not as warm as i would like it to be.

12. Does Google Streetview scare you?

No, my house doesn't show up on that.

13. What is your favorite brand of ice cream?

Ben & Jerry's.

14. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

15. Do you ever get tired of your everyday routine?

Every day.

16. What inspires you?

Strong and courageous people.

17. It’s springtime-do you spend more time outdoors?

Yes, it is much more pleasant now. Just looking out the window makes me want to go outside. i hate that i have to be stuck inside so much.

18. When do you think Bud will let us see the DVD of him and the french twins?

Is there a pool for this, and what is the prize? Put me down for 30 days from now.

19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you, and why?

That is a tough one. Where i live is not nearly as important as with whom i live. Of the places i have lived so far, i enjoyed the California coast the most. i loved having the beach only a short walk away. There are places i would like to visit, but until i visit them, it would be difficult to know whether i'd want to actually live there or not. Again, for me people are more important than places.

20. Why do you blog?

i thought it would be a nice way to say what's on my mind, but i haven't had much time for that, so i've mostly been doing memes, which i think are fun. i also like reading other people's answers to the same meme, and i really enjoy reading other people's blogs.

21. What are electrolytes and why are they good for us?

Electrolytes enable the basic metabolic function of the body and include sodium, potassium, chloride and bicarbonate. For proper functioning, they need to be in balance. If you ever have blood work done, nearly always these levels are checked. (i did not need to google this; i actually knew this.)

22. Do you twitter? Why or why not?

Yes, i do twitter, and i do so because it can be a lot of fun plus it is so convenient. i wish everyone i knew would get on Twitter so that i could quickly and easily message anybody and everybody whenever i had an inkling to.

23. What did you dream last night?

All i remember is a big leather-covered steamer trunk and a map of Argentina.

24. What is the strangest thing you've eaten?

i have managed to avoid eating strange things for 50 years. i cannot think of anything out of the ordinary that i have ever eaten. i won't even eat mushrooms.

25. What was the last picture that you took?

Pictures of my bedroom for Sir. i was required to take 'before' pictures, then clean the room and then take 'after' pictures.

26. What is your favorite part of spring?

Daffodils. i've always loved daffodils. (Yellow is a good color for flowers, if not for cars.) i actually crocheted an afghan with three-dimensional daffodils on a green background.

27. What is one thing that you did this past week that no one knows about?

Oh gosh, i NEVER have that much privacy! Someone always knows what i'm doing. Plus, i routinely self-disclose on Twitter.

28. What kind of bandages do you typically have in your household?

Band-Aids, gauze, bandage tape.

Wednesday Weirdness #48

1.) What is your significant other's worst habit?

Not giving me enough attention sometimes. i crave His attention.

2.) What piece of clothing that isn't lingerie or an undergarment do you have that you feel especially sexy/handsome in?

There is a top i liked so much that i got it in three different colors. It's old-fashioned looking and laces up the front from bottom to top with ribbon, and a portion of the sleeves laces up with ribbons, too. i think it's a really pretty feminine look.

3.) If you could drink ONLY two beverages for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

Water and iced tea.

4.) What is your worst habit?

Procrastination. i gave this same answer on another meme the other day, but on that one i think the question was about my worst character flaw. It is also a bad habit. i think it can be overcome as long as i don't put off working on it (a little joke there).

5.) Are you superstitious in any way?

No. There are times when i have thought i was cursed, though, but i don't think that's superstition.

6.) What kind of shopping do you hate doing most? (Grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shoe shopping, etc)

All of the above. Shopping is not a fun activity for me. i like to get in, get it done and get out as quickly as possible. There are a lot more fun and interesting things to do.

7.) What was a “fad” you remember from your childhood?

The Wheel-O. i loved that thing. i even came across one in recent years and still loved it. But my kids managed to wreck it. i don't think the newer version was as sturdy as the original. Other fads i remember enjoying are:

Chinese jump ropes
Klackers (big acrylic balls on string that got banned from school for being dangerous)
Slam books (those were great--pre-blogosphere memes!)
Mini skirts
Go-go boots
Granny dresses and granny coats
Peasant blouses (these seem to be making a come-back, and i'm happy about it)

TMI Tuesday #179

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?

i googled an ex once. i didn't find him, but i found a whole bunch of stuff about his brother, who is in politics.

2. Do you gossip?

i do sometimes before i realize i'm doing it, and then i stop, but most of the time i avoid it in the first place.

3. How many people do you completely trust?

i don't think there is anyone i trust fully and completely. But i have learned to be open and vulnerable in spite of that, knowing that i could be betrayed at any time. We have to take risks in all kinds of relationships if we want to have healthy connections with others.

4. Have you ever had sex in a car?

Yes, and it is not the best place for it unless maybe you have a van with a bed in the back.

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?

i don't think i consciously flirt. i enjoy being friendly and am genuinely interested in a person i am attracted to, so i just go with my feelings. i may do any and all of those things listed in the question in that context without really thinking about it.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?

Oh gosh, it's hard to remember an exact number. i think it was probably something like 4 or 5 times within 24 hours.

Sunday Stealing: The Family Meme

I interviewed each of my children separately, and here are their answers. [My commentary is in brackets.]

N=9-year-old son
B=14-year-old son
H=15-year-old daughter
D=20-year-old daughter

1. What is something your mom always says to you?

N: "Put your belt on."
B: "Pull your pants up."
H: "Something about A." [A is my Sir.]
D: "Wait--give me my good-bye kiss!"

2. What makes your mom happy?

N: "Me cleaning?"
B: "A."
H: "Knitting."
D: "Hanging out with her kids."

3. What makes your mom sad?

N: "Sad movies."
B: "Someone dying."
H: "Disrespectful children."
D: "When we're sad."

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

N: "When she yells at B."
B: "Just being there." [i'm sure he means that having me around is more fun than a barrel of monkeys.]
H: "By going on about boys like I do."
D: "When we talk about boys."

5. What was your mom like as a child?'

N: "I don't know. I don't remember."
B: "I didn't know her as a child."
H: "Hot."
D: "She was smart."

6. How old is your mom?

N: "45."
B: "50."
H: "50."
D: "51, no 50."

7. How tall is your mom?

N: "3 feet...I don't know...5 feet."
B: "Shorter than me, like 5'4"."
H: "Like 5'5"."
D: "5'6"."

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

N: "Do stuff on the computer."
B: "Chill on the computer."
H: "Surf the web."
D: "Talk to A."

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

N: "I don't know! How do I know?"
B: "Oh-ho! I don't know. Don't wanna know."
H: "Talks to A."
D: "Everything."

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

N: "Being a rock star."
B: "For being the mother of me."
H: "Something to do with her religion, I guess, I don't know."
D: "Probably her crafts."

11. What is your mom really good at?

N: "Knitting."
B: "Knitting and what-not."
H: "Crafts."
D: "Crafts and typing and singing."

12. What is your mom not very good at?

N: "Wrestling."
B: "Video games."
H: "Nothing."
D: "Driving at night."

13. What is your mom's favorite food?

N: "Chili Spaghetti."
B: "Some form of chicken, I suppose."
H: "Chocolate."
D: "Hungarian Goulash."

14. What makes you proud of your mom?

N: "That she takes care of me."
B: "Raising me."
H: "She's a genius."
D: "How she is an independent woman."

15. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

N: "Wanda on Fairly Odd Parents."
B: "I have no clue. I don't watch cartoons."
H: "Miss Piggy from The Muppets."
D: "Marge Simpson."

16. What do you and your mom do together?

N: "Watch TV sometimes."
B: "Talk."
H: "Go on trips."
D: "We talk about boys."

17. How are you and your mom the same?

N: "We have freckles I guess."
B: "Same DNA."
H: "We look alike."
D: "We're girly girls."

18. How are you and your mom different?

N: "'Cause she's older."
B: "A lot of ways, like I have a penis."
H: "I'm athletic and kind of tomboyish, and she's a girly girl."
D: "I have short hair, and she has long hair."

19. How do you know your mom loves you?

N: "'Cause she tells me."
B: "She raised me. There's a lot of ways, but that's the main way."
H: "She says it."
D: "Because she tells us and she just does."

20. What does your mom like most about your dad?

N: "Nothing."
B: "Nothing."
H: "Nothing...the child support check."
D: "She likes his looks." [She has a different dad than the others, but i haven't seen him in years, so don't know what he looks like now. i did like both men's looks, though, at their respective times in my life, else i wouldn't have had children with them.]

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?

N: "Internet."
B: "California."
H: "My grandma's house."
D: "Wienerschnitzel."

Submissive Journal

How does your owner expect you to communicate when you are angry/upset?

i believe the most important part of communicating those types of feelings is to be respectful when addressing Him about it.

Secondly, i need to be sure i do it. i need to be completely transparent with my feelings and not hide anything from Him or keep things in. i need to open up to Him completely so that i am completely His. If i keep things from Him, then i am keeping a part of myself to myself, which is withholding and not submitting or surrendering my all to Him. He wants to own me inside and out (and i want Him to!), so the inside has to be completely revealed to Him for that to be.

Since we do not live together, timing is not very crucial, and i can email what i am feeling as i am feeling it, and He can read it when He wants to and address it or not as He wishes at His convenience.

The Friday Five-Stranded

Stranded!

It's the "stranded on a desert island" question! You can only take one thing from each category. What is it and why are you taking it?

A food that can be planted and regrown.

i would want oranges because they are nice and juicy and yummy, plus they prevent scurvy.

A person you haven't seen in a long time.

My oldest son because he can do all kinds of manly things, like build fires and shelters, hunt and skin animals to eat, kill scary bugs and all that good stuff.

A book you (were) read as a child.

The Bible because it is inspirational and reassuring.

A celebrity.

Sean Connery, and do i really need to say why?

The entire episode run of a television show (it's a very nice desert island).

No brainer here--Lost--what could be more perfect?

Thursday Thunks

1. The last flight of stairs you walked up/down - were they carpeted?

The last time i climbed enough stairs to qualify as a "flight" was in a parking garage, so no carpeting, just bare concrete.

2. Green or purple grapes?

i don't remember ever eating a grape. i like mine in liquid form. Based on appearance, though, i prefer purple.

3. Do you like Peeps?

No, they're not kosher.

4. The smell of Vicks - like it?

Ordinarily, no, but if i'm congested, i like it.

5. Do you put decorative cling-ons on your windows for different holidays?

No.

6. Finish the sentence - I spent too much money on ________ .

Yarn. It used to be a toss-up between books and yarn, but these days i look for books i want to read at the library first, and the library has had most of them so that i rarely have to purchase any. Unfortunately, borrowing does not work very well for yarn usage.

7. Which celebrity should be flown into outer space or placed on a desert island?

The ever disgusting O.J. Simpson.

8. Would you support schools changing the "open" time? Such as 10am - 5pm, for example?

Probably not. i like it the way it is.

9. Do you go fishing?'

i haven't gone fishing in a loooooooooong time, but i think i would remember how if i did.

10. What question should we ask next week?

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Wednesday Weirdness #47

1.) In your opinion, what is your biggest character flaw?

Procrastination.

2.) What do you think is one of the worst television shows ever created?

The field is just far too vast to pick just one. Soap operas alone are a whole huge category of worst.

3.) Have you ever ended up injured after trying an interesting new sex position?

i don't recall that ever happening. Maybe i haven't tried anything new and interesting enough.

4.) How crucial do you think communication is between you and a regular sexual partner? Do you talk often about what works, what doesn't, things you want to try, etc or do you keep the discussions to a minimal and let the physical flow as it may?

Due to my former husband's disinterest and tendency to hostility, i became accustomed to not communicating, so i am trying to get out of the habit of keeping things to myself because i do think communication is crucial and not just about sexual things. Sometimes it is nice just to go with the flow, too, as long as nothing crucial is being ignored.

5.) Who are your favorite comedic actors/actresses?

Albert Brooks, Shirley MacLaine

6.) In what way(s) do you wish your childhood was different?

i used to think of things like how i might have been better off if my parents had never divorced or if i had always lived with my dad, but in looking back, i remember having a mostly happy childhood, so i don't have any real wish to change anything.

7.) Cotton Candy; Delicious treat or disgusting mess?

The last time i remember having it, i thought it was delicious--spun sugar, how could it not be?

TMI Tuesday #178

1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?

No, i'm pretty sure all has been told.

2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?

Again, no. i tend to be an open book, at least with people i trust.

3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?

Someone probably did somewhere along the way, but i don't remember anything specific, so the repercussions must not have been a big deal.

4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?

i probably have done this, too, but again, i don't remember, so it must not have caused any big problems, or i think i would remember. i try to keep private things private, especially if someone asks me to.

5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)

The only thing i can think of right now is that someone confided in me that they smoke pot.

Microfantasy Monday--Green

After all the tedious posing for the wedding pictures, the photographer finally dismissed us. While the rest of the wedding party made their way directly to the lakeshore reception site, where all the guests were already waiting for the bride and groom to arrive, i decided to take the more meandering path through the evergreen trees that encircled the lake. i was disappointed that His flight had been delayed and He had not been able to make it to the wedding.

At least the pictures were going to turn out lovely. My sister, the bride, was breathtakingly beautiful, more so than most brides, i thought. And she had been very gracious to choose my maid-of-honor gown in a flattering jade that made the most of my green eyes. Also carefully chosen was the head wreath fashioned of greenery and baby's breath that did not complete with my fiery red hair, which was hanging loose down my back.

As i was thinking that it was time for me to start heading back to the reception, i was grabbed from behind, and just as my brain registered the tight grip of hands clamped around my breasts, i heard "you're MINE" growled into my ear. i thought of spinning around to kiss Him, but instead i relaxed and melted back into Him, so happy to finally be held in His hands, savoring the heat of His body against mine and the warmth of His breath against my ear. Luxuriating in being surrounded by Him, i waited for whatever was going to happen next, knowing that He would tell me.

What Turns Me On

i was recently involved in a discussion regarding various BDSM activities where people were discussing their favorites, and i was explaining that what i eventually came to realize was that it was not any particular activity that was such a turn-on to me. It is more about the man than anything else. i am attracted to dominant men who like to do those kinds of things, so that is why those things turn me on.

That's why i have such a hard time filling out preference lists where you're supposed to pick out your favorite things to do sexually and BDSM-wise. i like these things to be directed by the man i am with, so it is really his preferences that matter. If it is important to him, it is important to me because he is important to me.

To me, it's just part of loving such a man--submitting to his desires because fulfilling his desires is my desire.

Sunday Stealing: A High School Meme

1. Did you date someone from your school?

Yes, a few guys, none seriously, though.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?

No.

3. Did you car pool to school?

i usually got rides from friends who had cars, and then after i was engaged, my fiance took me to school every morning before he went to work.

4. What kind of car did you have?

i never had my own car in high school. i graduated right after i got my license at 16.

5. What kind of car do you have now?

one that needs to be washed.

6. Its Friday night...where are you now?

At home with my children usually.

7. It is Friday night...where were you then?

Out having fun with my friends or on a date.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?

i was a dental assistant and secretary.

9. What kind of job do you do now?

i am an editor.

10. Were you a party animal?

Not really.

11. Were you considered a flirt?

Only until i got engaged, and then i wasn't allowed to.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?

Yes, all of them.

13. Were you a nerd?

Definitely not. i was one of the popular cool kids.

14. Did you get suspended from school?

No.

15. Can you sing the fight song?

i am embarassed to say that yes, i can remember it well enough to sing it.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher?

My business teacher.

17. Where did you sit during lunch?

Out on the field.

18. What was your school's full name?

i don't want to reveal that much identifying information lest my children ever come across this blog. :)

19. Where did you party the most?

At the beach.

20. What was your school mascot?

Some guy riding a horse.

21. Would you do it again?

Would i do what again--high school? No, thank you.

22. Did you have fun at Prom?

i never went to prom. my fiance was not a student and thus couldn't go, and he would not let me go with anyone else.

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with?

See above.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?

Wow, just realized it is the 35-year reunion this year! i probably won't go. i haven't been to any of them.

25. Do you still talk to people from school?

Not from high school. i have some friends from elementary and junior high that i keep in touch with, though.

26. What are/were your high school's colors?

Blue and gold.

Simply Snickers

i wanted to linger close to His side

finally He said, "you may abide"

so much revealed in His eyes

neither did He desire good-byes

the look we shared held so much

and even more the power of His touch

as my skin began to burn

i knew there was yet still more to learn

(prompt words: learn, linger, look)

The Stolen Sex Meme

Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

All of the above.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?

i sleep all over the bed these days since i'm usually the only occupant.

Do you masturbate?

Yes.

How often? Lately?

Four or five times a week i think, and lately, in the last couple of days.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

No, never have.

Do you prefer showers or baths?

Baths. Love baths.

Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?

Yes.

Do you watch/read pornography?

Occasionally. Prefer erotica. Read one of my favorites here.

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?

AGGRESSIVE.....please!!!!!!

Would you choose love or money?

Love.

Your top three favorite kinks in bed?

Bondage, spanking, flogging.

Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?

Yes, former husband gave me STDs during the marriage, and i consider that assault. (Thankfully they were curable.)

Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?

Outside under the stars.

Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

It's probably not that weird--a car.

Have you ever been caught having sex?

No.

Have you ever been to a strip club?

No.

Ever been to a bar just to get sex?

No.

Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?

No.

Ever been picked up in a bar?

Yes.

Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?

No.

What's your sexuality?

Submissive heterosexual.

Had sex in a movie theater?

No.

Had sex in a bathroom?

Yes. In addition to the bath and shower, also the countertop.

Have you ever had sex at work?

No.

Have you ever been in an "adult" store?

Yes.

Bought something from an adult store?

Yes.

Do you own any sex toys?

Yes.

If yes, how many and what are they?

Various vibrators and attachments, dildo, vibrating nipple clamps, handcuffs, wrist and ankle cuffs with restraints, floggers.

Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

Hopefully all has been destroyed.

Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

No.

Have you ever had phone sex?

Yes. Prefer real sex.

Have you ever had cyber sex?

Ditto.

Do you think oral sex constitutes a form of intercourse?

It's definitely sex, if not intercourse, else why call it oral sex?

What's your favorite sexual position?

Man-on-top missionary.

What's your favorite sex act?

Same as above.

Friday 5--It's Cold!

1. What’s your favorite frozen heat-and-eat food?

Chicken pot pie.

2. How sensitive are you to cool temperatures?

Very. i prefer warm or even hot and even blazing hot to cold. i do not like being cold.

3. How many ice-cube trays are there in your freezer?

13.

4. What aspect of your life seems to be frozen in place?

my knitting and crocheting projects. Not much has been happening there in recent months. Everything else is moving along pretty well, though.

5. What’s your favorite blanket like?

It is a 100% down comforter/duvet that my mother gave me many years ago. She also made the dark blue cover for it. It never fails to keep me warm no matter how cold it gets. In warmer weather, my favorites are the quilts my grandmother made for me.

The Divorce Papers

i started working on my divorce papers several months ago, less than a month after i ran away from my abusive former husband. Even though from my perspective (and probably from his, too) he stopped being my husband long ago, i still have to go through this horrible state divorce because i foolishly obtained a state marriage license when i married him.

i could not afford an attorney, but i did qualify for legal aid, which in my county (poor and short-staffed) means i was able to attend a 2-hour class to learn how to fill out the divorce papers. i did start filling them out, but i didn't get very far before life as a single mom intruded.

The series of crises seemed never ending. The house and the appliances and the car and the weather all seemed determined to make our lives miserable and extremely costly. When the washer died, we had to spend $20 a week washing clothes (just for washing, not drying!) at the nearest laundromat an hour away. We endured months without hot water before the broken water heater could be replaced. When the car broke down, the cost to repair it was half of its Kelly Blue Book value. We went through two blizzards and the rest of the winter without being able to heat the house. It seemed i was always having to take care of some emergency, so the divorce papers kept getting set aside while more urgent things were dealt with.

One of the things A has brought into my life is structure (did i mention i am crazy about Him?). He helped me to focus on the divorce papers, break the project down into manageable parts and address each step that needed to be done. As a result, in a couple of weeks the papers were finally ready to be filed.

i need to insert here that in addition to all the other pressing matters that made getting the divorce papers finished so difficult, there was also a procrastination and aversion factor. i was so happy to be free from my former husband that i just could not stand the thought of having to engage or interact with him in any way, much less have to be in the same room with him at the courthouse. But ultimately my desire to get the whole mess over with and my desire to do a good job on the tasks that A set for me so he would be proud of me overcame the aversion.

So, down to the courthouse i went, so excited to finally be filing for the divorce, only to discover that the case could not yet be filed because i was submitting an application to defer the court fees, which the judge had to rule on first. While this was disappointing, i could see that it was a necessary step in the procedure, so i went home and waited for them to call me and let me know when the judge had ruled on my application.

When i went back, i was told that my application was denied because i hadn't included the former husband's income on the application. i felt myself starting to tear up at this news, but i remembered what A told me when i was disappointed on the first trip to the courthouse--that as long as i handled myself well, represented Him well and my actions and responses reflected well on Him, then He was proud of me--and then i was able to take a deep breath and not cry. i still thought i might cry when i got back to the car, though, but i didn't.

Now, i must state here that on that line of the application, it says, "Spouse's income (if available to me)", and i have had no access to the former husband's income since the separation months ago. i showed this to the clerk, but it didn't make any difference, so i had to pay court fees of over $300 to get the case filed.

my third disappointment came when the clerk told me that there would be no hearing scheduled until after we have been to mediation, so it looks like this state divorce is going to take longer than i thought, plus i still hate the thought of being in the same room with him. i tried very hard to make my petition as equitable as possible so that hopefully he will not contest. Before i filed, i even wrote to him and asked him if he wanted to file for an uncontested divorce together, but he just sent a nasty letter back and didn't even answer the question. It was his usual raging, except it was on paper.

So, now i wait to see if he accepts service of the papers before anything else can happen on the case.

Thursday Thunks

1. You are walking down the road and you look down. There is a bug. Do you step on it?

No. i figure i'm walking down the road for a reason, so i'd rather just keep walking than to bother with a bug.

2. What is one fantasy that you want to come true more than any other?

Spending the rest of my life with A, belonging to Him, being His most precious possession, serving Him with all of my being.

3. Someone knocks on your door. Do you look out the window to see who it is before you open it? Do you open it regardless of who it is?

i always check to see who it is first. Sometimes i don't know the person, but as long as they look harmless, i go ahead and open it. Maybe i need to rethink that and ask what they want first, but even then, you never know. When i lived in the big city, i kept a weapon on top of a picture frame by the front door, but i have never thought to do that since i've been living in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it's more important to do that here. The weapon i used to have on standby? A rotary cutter used for cutting fabric. Those things are fierce and don't look like a weapon until you've done some heavy-duty slashing on your attacker (or at least that's always been my hope). i also used to carry one in my purse when i had to walk to my car after working until 2 in the morning. Again, that was in the big city, but thankfully i never had to use it and get some creep's blood all over me.

4. Have you ever eaten Play Doh?

As a child i touched my tongue to it and discovered it was extremely salty and icky, so i never tried to eat it.

5. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon as a child and why?

Roadrunner. i liked to see the different ways Wile E. Coyote's plans would backfire on him.

6. Are you a "people watcher"?

Yes, whenever i need to sit down for a while at a place like Disneyland or a mall, i enjoy watching all the people walking by. But i only bother with that if i need to sit down; otherwise i'd rather just get the shopping done or go on to the next attraction.

7. I have a bowl of fruit. There are apples, oranges & pears. You help yourself to one - which one do you choose?

The orange, hands down. i love citrus fruit.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve in the blogging world?

i don't really have any that i can think of. It is the individuality of blogs that i enjoy, so if someone does something different or strange, that just makes it interesting. i just wish i had more time to read the ones i enjoy reading.

9. What is one religion that you could just never see yourself joining?

That's an easy one--Islam.

10. What word do you use far too often?

It's not a word, but a phrase--"you know". If i pay attention i can stop saying it, but if i'm excited and in a hurry to tell something, it will creep back in.

11. How long do you spend in the shower?

i believe it takes me at least half an hour. my hair is really long, so it takes a while to do all the shampooing and conditioning.

12. If you were to write a personal ad about yourself, what would it say?

Submissive woman, 50, interested in meeting masculine, dominant, masterful man for BDSM long-term relationship/marriage. Needs to be Torah-obedient or at least know Torah well enough to maintain those limits for me.

13. Your favorite flavor of soup is....?

Chicken.

14. You are sitting on a bench in the park and a bug walks in front of your feet.... do you squash him?

As long as he doesn't bother me, i won't bother him.

Wednesday Weirdness #46

1. What makes a person sexy to you?

His masculinity, masterfulness, aura of power and control, intelligence, confidence, sense of humor, smile, twinkle in the eye.

2. When having the 'number of sex partners' talk with a potential significant other, would you be turned off if they had slept with more than a certain number of people? If yes, what is that number?

i can't imagine too many people having had more sex partners than my ex-husband, so i don't think i would be shocked or turned off. In fact, i don't see a big need for such a talk if we're both disease-free and intending to be each other's only partner from that point forward.

3. Once and for all, pocketbook sized dogs and the people who carry them in pocketbooks. Cute or crazy?

i have to say cute for the dogs and crazy for the people, especially if they dress them up and treat them like people. It's not the poor dogs' fault.

4. Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, what?

i don't do Lent, but i fasted a couple of days ago--the fast of Esther the day before Purim.

5. If you live with someone, what is the one thing you will never let them see you do?

i only live with my children presently, but this is universal no matter with whom i am living--i prefer to go to the bathroom in private.

TMI Tuesday #177

1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?

Yes, i consider myself pro-marriage, but i do not advocate getting a governmental marriage license. i don't think the government belongs in marriage. i know a lot of people think it protects the children especially, but these days child support is ordered regardless of whether or not the parents were ever married with a license. Whether a person keeps their commitments or not has to do with who they are, not the possession of a piece of paper.

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?

With all the books and art of all kinds going back to ancient times depicting seemingly every possible sexual position, it would be hard to imagine someone coming up with something new, so i'd have to say no on that one.

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?

Yes, i like being tied up, and i am weighing in with 'sometimes'. i also like doing other things, so 'always' would make it impossible to do other things i like.

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?

i wouldn't go so far as to call it adultery, but if one's partner doesn't know about it, it very well could be considered a betrayal by them, especially if their partner is doing that instead of having real sex with them.

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?

Definitely not!

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?

i'm going to have to base this on my last partner, and i have to say 'yes' since his preference was 0 times a day too often, and i generally like to have sex at least once a day.

7. Do you get offended when your partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?

It depends on the type of flirting. If it is just a friendly kind of thing with a little teasing that's not too personal or focused, that doesn't bother me, but if it seems like there's a genuine interest in that particular person above and beyond the usual type of friendly flirting, then it would probably hurt my feelings.

8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?

i think i'm more friendly than flirty. i have no problem striking up conversations with strangers of either gender. i don't get very flirty unless i'm interested in that particular person, which is probably why i answered question 7 the way i did.

Adolescence and Beyond

One of the things i've noticed lately is that my children talk to me nearly daily about their love lives. The children i'm speaking of are 20, 15 and 14, and it seems like they are comfortable talking about these things with me because they know i will understand since i'm in a similar stage of life, having a crush of my own.

On a recent visit, i leaned over and in a conspiratorial manner whispered to my 20-year-old, "i'm falling for A," and then she shrieked and got all giddy and bouncy and said, "Oh, I know what you mean, I am so totally falling for C!" And then we were both giddy and bouncy and giggly, talking about the attributes of our respective beaux.

On a subsequent visit, she couldn't wait to tell me about her first kiss with C. Her description of this had me in stitches, as she was telling me how she was thinking, "Whoa, whoa, that's way too much tongue!" In addition to how funny her way of saying "Whoa" was, i was also laughing because i was thinking that someday she will no longer have such an aversion to french kissing. Not very many days later she called to inform me that C is no longer in favor because on one of those questionnaires floating around MySpace he answered that the person he last texted was his ex-girlfriend. Her disposition of the matter was to conclude, "Well, at least I still have my gym hottie to enjoy!" Every time she says "gym hottie" it makes me laugh.

my 15-year-old gives me long narratives about which boys said what and did what at school that day along with all of her reactions to every little thing. i remember what all of that was like, so i try to get some words of advice in edgewise when i can. She listens to me more than she used to. i also told her how i felt about A and mentioned to her how happy i was that He had helped me get structured and organized enough to finally get my divorce papers finished. For some reason, this information prompted her to say, "Mom, you just like guys who boss you around." I was taken by surprise that she had perceived that about me. I answered, "Well, yes, that's true, but not meanies."

my 14-year-old went through a break-up with his girlfriend the other night. They had been going together for 10 months, which is quite a long-term relationship for that age. He told me all about the entire conversation. i asked relevant questions, one being, "Did she tell you why she wanted to break up?" He answered, "She said it was because everybody on the bus had told her that I was flirting with C." i was thinking, my goodness, we just got back from the bus stop--how on earth did 'everybody' tell her stuff already? So, i asked him, "Were you flirting with C?" And he said, "Well, yeah, but..." And then we both started laughing. So, now i guess he's getting together with C, even though K called back and wanted to get back together about an hour after breaking up with him.

As for me, i still only have eyes for A.