Monday, April 13, 2009

Submissive Journal

What resources do you have in your service-based arsenal? What would you recommend for domestics, cooking, cleaning and other forms of service?

For household organization and cleaning, i recommend FlyLady. For cooking, i recommend Saving Dinner.

In the beginning, did you ever wonder if you would lose your sense of self somehow in your slavery? Has that proven to be the case? Is that still a question for you?

i did lose my sense of self during a long marriage to an abusive narcissist, but that was how i survived for so long. In regaining my sense of self after the end of that marriage, an integral part of that is still embracing my slavery because that is who i am, but i realize that the coping strategies that i needed before are no longer necessary, so i have been shedding them and more and more re-blossoming into myself again. During that abusive relationship, i was not allowed to have feelings, much less express them. i am learning to be true to my feelings, and i no longer stuff them down with food nor try to deny what i am feeling. i have learned that if i ever find myself involved with someone who does not cherish and protect me, then i will need to end the relationship.

With all that being said, surrendering myself to and losing myself in a man who truly does love, cherish and protect me is a whole different thing. i see that as a safe place to be where my 'self' is nurtured and cultivated the way it is supposed to be. In that case, my best self can only be realized in being His.

Why should women feel empowered?

Simply because we are women and are vital to the survival of the species.

Do you consider yourself monogamous or polyamorous or some other category which cannot be defined? Is there such a thing as "no preference"? What makes your preference work for you?

i am monogamous. i am very single-minded and focused on the man i am mated to. So far it hasn't worked very well for me since the men i have been married to turned out not to be monogamous.

it's hard to believe someone could truly have 'no preference'. Seems like everyone would have a preference.

If you could say three things to the world about the nature of your personal sexuality and really be heard, understood, and accepted, what would you say?

Obviously, there is no guarantee of being heard, understood and accepted, so i rarely try to explain it to anyone except those who are sincerely interested because they are exploring their own personal sexuality and wanting to learn more.

Three things that make my personal sexuality acceptable to me are:

1. It is Scriptural.
2. It is nobody's business but my own and those with whom i am sexual.
3. i do not do anything that is harmful to myself or others.

Have you experienced Sub Frenzy? What was it like?

i had to look this up to learn what it is. i believe i did experience this a few years ago when i was separated from my ex-husband. i did fall for someone, and it was very intense. It ended abruptly, and ultimately i ended up going back to my estranged husband, which was a poor decision, probably affected by the 'sub frenzy' and his promises to have an M/s relationship with me. i feel more grounded and even-keeled now.

Do you have a meditation ritual to think about your submission? What is it like? If you don’t, what would your mantra be like?

i have a bracelet with a little pewter box on it, and inside the box is a rolled-up piece of paper with this printed on it--

i belong to A, and any and every part of me is His to do with as He pleases. To Him i give my service, effort and devotion--my all.

As i wear the bracelet, this 'mantra' resonates within me, and i always remember that i am His.

Does your Owner discipline you as a part of maintenance even if you have been good?

We are not together in real life yet, but He has informed me that using me will happen as He pleases and in whatever form He pleases regardless of my behavior.

List 5 people you know — In 100 words or less tell them how thankful you are to them for something.

A: Thank You for helping me to focus on what is important. i appreciate all the time You have invested in me and the care You have shown for me and my children. i also appreciate each and every time You have spoken to me and each and every word You have written to me. Every word from You is so precious to me. Being Yours undergirds me and brings me joy. Knowing You brightens my days, and i long for the day when i can be at Your feet, serving You and being completely Yours in every way.

Mom: i really miss you. We ran out of time to talk about all the things i wanted to talk to you about, but through the years you always did listen to me and encourage me. You taught me so much, including all the needlework skills i still enjoy. You were always there for me when i needed you. i appreciate all the love and nurturing you gave me my whole life until you couldn't do it anymore, and we had to take care of you instead. i still remember your laugh and how beautiful you were.

Dad: i miss you so much. i appreciate everything you taught me and how you were always there for me no matter what. You gave me my moral compass and so much more. You encouraged every interest i ever had, showing me how to do so many things and always leading by your example. You always practiced what you preached, so i was able to always look up to you. You got down on our level to do things with us, and i loved all the times you would play games with us. You never lost the joy of being a kid and helped me to have that after i was an adult, too. It's so hard being without you.

Sister: i love and appreciate you so much. You have helped me get through so many difficult times and listened to me cry my heart out over and over again. You always know what to say to help me to hang on and keep going, no matter how much i think i can't. We've also had such fun times, laughing until our stomachs hurt, and i appreciate those times, too. You have gone out on a limb for me to help whenever you could, and one of those times was during a terrible time for you, too, and i will never forget that.

Daughter: You have always been loyal to me and stuck with me no matter what was happening and no matter how much pressure was put upon you, and i appreciate how you have stood by me that way. i know it must have been hard for you to be the different one and to go against the crowd. i also appreciate all the times you have helped me with the younger children and housework when we were all struggling with the difficulty of our daily lives in the toxic environment we were in. i'm sorry i didn't get all of us out sooner.

(It took me like half a box of Kleenex to get through writing the above five paragraphs.)

What do you consider domestic service? Do you enjoy serving or being served in this fashion? What tips do you have for someone learning to love domestics?

i think of domestic service as doing household chores, cooking, cleaning, serving meals. Those are all necessary for everyday life, so i haven't really thought about it that much in the specific context of service, as in consensual slavery. i can see, though, how it can be a part of that by focusing on the Master and meeting His needs.


  1. What a wonderful tribute to your loved ones. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing that with us out here. It makes me think of love that is shared and warmth that has been spread.

    Have a great evening.


  2. Thank you, Laurie. i was bawling my eyes out when i was writing that part, but i really appreciated the reminder to focus on how precious each of my loved ones is.